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How to Make a Whiskey Pie I don't normally find myself writing recipes or instructions on how to prepare foods, but for some reason today I was especially motivated. Maybe it's a sort of personal interest in the item at hand, I don't know. In any case, here's how to make a traditional halfling favorite (at least in my family), whiskey pie. Ingredients: 1 1/3 cups flour 1/2 cup butter 1/2 teaspoon salt 3 tablespoons chilled water 2 or more gallons of whiskey (depending on taste) To begin, combine all ingredients except the whiskey in a medium-sized bowl, and start mixing them together. Sample some whiskey to ensure its quality. Once the ingredients are mixed, mash them around until the product has a smooth and uniform consistency (this will be the pie crust). Have another sample of the whiskey to make sure it hasn't spoiled since you started mixing ingredients. Oncze you have soMe niCelly mixzed dough, presZs it intTo a pie panh with youur fingers. Have somme whiszky to quennch that thirzst. mIxxxing is hard worrk. PuuuT the pIee cruzst in tHe ovehn. Don'tt worrry aabOuth hOw hooot it izs, youU woOon't carre if it'sz evehN cooKied. WhaaT mattaerzh now is Teh Whiskeye! DrIinnnck ssommeh wHiisSsckehy to mmahhkEh szsuhHreh yaouR mmoUhthH sSstiIll waoRkZSs, THhen szsiit DoownNn iin aw coOoMfaortahhBle chaiir. thiIsSs nExt sSstep miighT taKEh ah whilE, sao yoOoU WahhNnt too be sSzuhhre Yaouhh haVeh ahh NniIceh, commFooRTahble arEah ToOo dRinK - iI Meaonn, "caooK" - inn. keep dRinkiInngh WhisSskehy wHhiile the pIe zjRuszst Dooes WhHahtEhvEhr iiT's DoInNngh.. iin fFawct, fFOorget ahBOuhht thHeh zjRuhHsst.. IT'ss haPPy awNd FiNnE By iItZszelf Riighht nnooW. drInnK ahhZSs mmuhhcjhh wHiIZSsckeY awss YoOoUR BoOodY cahnNn HhoLd, aZSs quIisjkly ahhss yaou Cahhn do iit. iif THherE ahhre aothHer pEhoPle around, DO NoOot fFehEhl oOoBLIigaTEd Too sHawrE. tElL thEhm tOo gEhT theIir aownn pie ReciPe and MmMahhkEh theiir oownNn dRuhHnnk, er, pIe. fInnnD ahh saofft szsPOt Oon the FloOooor. BY tHiIss TiImMe the cHhahhiir IisSs prOobaaBLy noT aZSs CaommffaoRtabLEh aZSs a HaaRdwOoaod FLaoOor. doOon't ahsSsk mEh Why. REffLesjt onnn aalL ThE goOooOoD tiimmmehZSs YOU'Veh hAd, wiTh whHiisskEy, aNd Try to FOorgEhT tHeh BaD tImMeZSs youhh'vEh hhaad, witHOout whiisSzkeY. thhiInk ahhbouhhT hhoow mmuchh eaassIeR YOoUR liffE wOoULd hahve bEennn UP uhnNntiil now if youhhR parEhnntss HhahD naamed YOu "WhHiisKey". wEhll, iIt'ZSs ahboUht tiimeh tOo get thhaat cjruhhsst. opEn tHhe oovehnNn, ghet tHhEh zjrUsSzt oOouhHt, awnNnD ThhRoOow iIT ooUhT tHhe neawrEhZszt windOW. nnnOow tHahT THE DiiszstrahCtiioOonNn'sSs oouhHt of THEh WAY, get bAhsjk tO the REhahL paoRt oOof ThE rEsjiIpE - THe wHisSzKey. fiinIiZSsHh wHhaT yOoUh HahhvEh leffT, tHeN PaZszss oUt on tHe floooR. ennjJooy YoOouhhr breahK. Once you sober up enough to realize just what's been going on, clean up the huge mess you've now got in your house and kitchen. Go find that pie plate you threw out the window and replace it (before your mother or wife finds out). Get some water and splash it on your face, then sprinkle flour in your hair to make it look like you've really been slaving over a hot stove all day. When people ask you where the pie is, tell them that it was so delicious you just couldn't share it with anyone else. Cooking is such hard work, isn't it? Gleefully yours, Belbris |
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