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The concept is a simple one. Anybody can write an obituary after someone's
already passed on, but it takes true talent (or a serious grudge) to convince
someone to write a premature obituary. Therefore it's only fitting that we
allow Thera to submit their own ideas for those that they "wish" would finally kick
the bucket. I present you with a sample of a "hope-ituary": -- Naiirok the Wrath of Nature, Executor of Valour -- Naiirok, that loveable pig. The Holy Pork-Chop. The slice of heavenly ham that led the Knights of Valour in battle and in song. The valiant leader that, along with his two other brothers, majestically defeated the big, bad wolf with his ingenious idea to use brick instead of straw or wood. Yes, this poor hog has now passed on, to eat at the big slop trough in the sky. It seems that little Naiirok was happily prancing along (and I emphasize the term "prancing") one day outside the confines of the city of Valour, when suddenly a roving band of sausage-makers drove past in a caravan of roughly-covered wagons. Spying the brave and apparently delicious Executor, the sausage-making elder stepped down from his seat and wiped the drool from his mouth while approaching the ill-fated Naiirok. After a few pinches of cheeks (both of the mouth and the other), the unfortunate came to pass, and Naiirok was summarily bound and gagged before he could squeal a single word. After several minutes of debate, the band of sausage chefs finally came to a unanimous decision as to how poor Naiirok should be seasoned. A bit of salt and pepper, as well as some mustard seed to offset his naturally sweet flavor, and Naiirok was ready to be ground. One swift blow to the head was all that it took to knock the Executor out, and he was then separated into quarters and promptly ground into a fine pasty meat. The band of butchers, their dirty work now done, proceeded to pack Naiirok's sweetmeats into thin sausage casings, and then hung the finished product to be dried and cured. While Yuram has yet to confirm the identity of his sources, he has admitted that the savory product he sells in his shop is the very same Naiirok that we have all come to know. Farewell, Naiirok. You will always be a tasty treat for those of us still living. Gleefully yours, Belbris |
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