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Zanderic's Guide to a Perfect Beard. ******************************************* The first thing you need to understand when grooming your beard is that, your beard reflects the man behind it. A dirty beard is a sign of a dirty man. I know every man wants a good strong beard that will make the ladies flock to them like Torkalen to a goat, but not all of us can. If you want to impress the ladies, just listen to me and soon enough you will have a beard you can be proud of. The first step to getting a great beard is growing one. Us gnomes begin growing ours only a few days after birth, but I know that there are some dwarves and perhaps even some elves out their looking for some advice. So if you want to increase the length of your beard, a weekly trimming will help lengthen and strengthen. If your beard is too short or nothing but peach fuzz, then perhaps you should try my secret family recipe for beard growth. - 1 bottle of whiskey - 1 oz of spriggan blood - 1 pinch of dust from the elemental canyon - 1 tail of a squirrel First you mix the spriggan blood with the dust from the elemental canyon. This will create a paste. Remove all the hair from the tail of the squirrel and past it to your face with the mix you made earlier. The paste may burn, but that is telling you it is working. Drink the bottle of whiskey to relieve the pain. When you wake up the next morning the fur will be securely stuck to your face. Once you have a respectable length for your beard, the next thing you have to worry about is cleanliness. If you are one of those honorable men with lengthy beards you will need to comb and groom it every day. Trust me on this one. There is nothing more painful then a beard with knots in it. A daily washing will keep all the bugs and dirt from building up. And if you are a festive man like myself you don't want that after ale smell on your face. The last and possible most important aspect of proper beard upkeep is style. Once your beard grows to be as respectable as mine, you have no choice but to braid it so to prevent it from dragging on the ground. If you like a good ribbon or perhaps some shiny beads can really bring the shine out in your beard. It is important to mix and match colors and styles, appropriate with your current attire. I like to use either mithril or blue sapphire ribbon to emphasize my eyes bluish grayish eyes. In addition to the style, braiding adds allot of strength to your beard. Anyone who has young ones and a beard can tell you how important it is to have a good strong beard. A great beard can be the ultimate emphasis to your personality. If you are going to grow a beard, do it right. Always remember that your beard reflects the man behind it. (Read about Chaos in Clover) |
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