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MAYOR OF SERINGALE INCREASES TAXES AND REDUCES CITY GUARDS --------------------------------------------------------- Tells citizens to "get off their backsides." The Mayor of Seringale last night announced his intention of increasing taxes for all citizens and visitors because he was "bloody tired" of them sitting around and doing nothing. To illustrate his point, the Mayor proffered the view that guildhalls concentrated too much on theory and not enough on practice. 'Besides the cigars and naked woman, what the Jeebus is the point of joining the Rangers guild to sit around staring at boars backsides?!' 'The problem with so called adventurers these days is that they are all blasted wimps. Its all give me this and give me that. I bet they never had to fight for anything in their life. In fact I bet that they have never been in a decent fight', the mayor continued while throwing a few playful jabs in my direction. 'I mean in my day we joined a guild to learn a bloody trade. And I had to work 50 hours a week just to pay my way. These days they expect an allowance for everything from cigars to whoring to damn beard maintenance.' Warming to his theme he continues: 'You know what annoys me? I mean really annoys me?' ,he hisses into my ear. 'Blasted bearded humans who think they are bloody dwarves. They would probably wet themselves if they ever saw a real weapon. Mind you, they would probably smell better.' By now the Mayor has hit his stride and is prancing up and down the room, only stopping occasionally to jab his finger towards me. 'Warlords. What a bloody joke. They don't fight wars or lord over anything. Daddy pays their way so they can engage in mutual beard stroking orgies or whatever. Morons!'. When questioned about what he intends to use the money for he quickly replies, 'Militery Service. Get kicked black and blue by a sexually frustrated sergeant then put them to work guarding my city. That will show them! |
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